Harry Potter vs Twilight: The Ultimate Showdown!
by AwesomeKid and MidnightWriter
Summary: Mini-sodes of what would happen if Harry Potter and Twilight characters met... hilarity, confusion, and fangirly-ness abounds...
1. Chapter 1

Harry: Oh... oh my God!

Hermione: Harry, what is it? Is it... your scar?

Harry: No, it's... it's Cedric!

Ron: As in Diggory? Um, he's a bit DEAD.

Harry: No, he's right there!

Ron: OH MY GOD!!!

Harry: You see him too!?

Ron: NO, but THAT GUY IS SPARKLING!!!!

Edward: (somewhere in the distance) NOOO! I'm a vampire!

Harry: No, dude, it's Cedric!

Hermione: Harry, don't be daft. Cedric's dead, you were there, remember? The Portkey, the anti-Moody, the bad haircut, the 'hey, hey, Voldie's back'?

Harry: WHYYY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO MEEE? I'M HARRY FRACKING POTTER!

Edward. Hi.

Harry: AHH! SPARKLECEDRICZOMBIE! -runs-

Ron: -has a new boycrush- Viktor Krum who?


	2. Chapter 2

Harry: I really don't like the sparklecedriczombie.

Hermione: -ehem-

Harry: ...Edward. (muttering to self) Bitch never listens to me and I know it's Cedric. -eye twitch-

Hermione: It's okay, no one really likes Edward except wild, rabid, semi-deluded teenage fangirls...

Ron: SoheyEdwardIwaswonderingifmaybeyouwantedtohangoutsometimeandyoucouldmaybesparkleformeorsomething!?!?

Edward: LEAVE ME ALOOONE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M AN ASSHOLE TORTURED SOUL SPARKLE FREAK!? I HAVE GIRLS TO DAZZLE DAMMIT! I HAVE BEDROOMS TO LURK IN LIKE A TWISTED PEDOPHILE, GOSH! -leaves to whine and bitch like the fairy we know he is-

Ron: Okay, byeee! I love youuu! LET'S GET MARRIED AND HAVE SPARKLY REDHEAD KIDS!

Hermione: ...and Ron.


	3. Chapter 3

Draco: OK, look 'Edward', I don't know who you think you are, but I am the official pseudo-bad boy that girls lust over in this fandom, okay? I AM THE FEMININE BOY BEAUTY HERE, GOT IT!?

Edward: I AM A TORTURED SOUL, LEAVE ME ALONE TO WALLOW IN DESPAAAIR!

Harry: Oh shut up. I've faced near death in seven books and REAL death in one. Pshhh. Bitch, please.

Cho: Oh my gosh, Cedric!!

Edward: Uh... I'm Edward.

Cho: Oh. Well, you look a lot like a guy I used to date, so, uh, wanna go out sometime?

Bella: STEP OFF, HUSSY!

Ron: Edward! No, don't run! Come back!

-Ron and fangirls run after Edward-

A/N: HELLO LOVELY READERS! This is a (minorly) revised version seeing as my boyfriend was quoting this over the phone to me and read Harry's last line word for word and I realized "HOLY CRAP WE LEFT A WORD OUT!" You probably didn't notice or didn't pay any mind, but typos are a big deal to me. It's the editor in me. :D So keep reading and reviewing, it encourages us to write more! ~MidnightWriter


	4. Chapter 4

Parvati: LIke OME, has anyone seen Edward?

Padma: No, I was chasing him by the Great Hall, but I lost him.

Cho: I saw him in the Owlery, but then he disappeared.

Lavender: Maybe Ron got him.

Ron: Sadly, no, he was too quick for me. As if I could outrun him.

ALL: AS IF WE COULD FIGHT HIM OFF! -squeal-

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pansy: Has anyone seen Jacob?

Daphne: Nope. I thought I saw him, but it was just a stray dog.

Hannah: I saw a stray dog too! I thought maybe it was him, but when I walked toward it, it didn't run away, and as scared as Jacob is of fangirls, he probably would have run away.

Pansy and Daphne: Psh. Hufflepuff. -glare-

Romilda: It's OK, Hannah, I've been making the same mistake all day. -stamps feet-

Hannah: Did you seriously just stamp your foot?

ALL: I THOUGHT GIRLS ONLY DID THAT ON TV! -squeal-

Pansy: You know what, Abbot? You're not half bad... for a Hufflepuff.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry: I KNOW WHAT HE IS!

Hermione and Ginny: -share an exasperated look-

Harry: HUMOR ME, DAMMIT!

Hermione: OK, what is "sparklecedriczombie" REALLY!?

Harry: I have considered radioactive spiders and Kryptonite, but now I know. He's ice cold, pale white, and sparkly. He's... an ICE CREAM CAKE! OM NOM NOM!!!

Ginny: Really, Harry? REALLY?

Harry: OK, OK. He's ice cold, pale white, sparkly, and nice. He's a FAIRY! AND I WANT MY WISHES!

Ginny: THAT'S A GENIE, YOU DUMBASS! You're so lucky you're cute.

Harry: Fine. Then I guess he's just a sparklecedriczombie and I must take him down. DOOOWN!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Ron: Edward! NOOO! I LOVE YOU! -the fangirls chase Edward into Hagrid's hut-

Edward: Let me in!!! LET ME THE FXCK IN!

Hagrid: OK, calm down, geez!

Jacob: Edward!?! Fangirls got you too?

Edward: Yep.

Hagrid: I don't understand these fangirls.

Jacob: ... that doesn't surprise me.

Edward. Yup...


	7. Chapter 7

Alice: Hi I'm Alice do you guys wanna be friends?

Fangirls: -trample-

Alice: OW! Screw you guys!!

Luna: Can I help you?

Alice: Yes! What is wrong with them?

Luna: I don't know. Perhaps there is an Irnanina Pixie about. They tend to make teenage girls somewhat wild. -bats air wildly- I hope I shooed it away.

Alice: .....

Luna: I'm Luna.

Alice: ...Hi Luna. I'm Alice. Would you like to be friends?

Luna: I would be honored.

Alice: JASPERRR! JASPER, COME MEET MY FRIEND!!!!!!


	8. Chapter 8

Jacob: Hey, so I heard you're a werewolf?

Lupin: NO WHO TOLD YOU THAT WHAT LIES PSHH AS IF.

Jacob: I'm a werewolf too!

Lupin: Oh really? Nice to meet you, young man, I'm Remus Lupin.

Jacob: I'm Jacob Black.

Lupin: Black? Your last name is Black!?

Jacob: ....yes.

Lupin: Are you, by any chance, related to Sirius Black?

Jacob: Uh... I don't think so, sorry.

Lupin: Oh. -sigh- Well, what can I do for you?

Jacob: The fangirls! They're everywhere!

Lupin: Ohhh, I have some of those myself. Let me help you.

Jacob: Teach me!!! -whips out notepad- Mhm!?!?!?

Lupin: -puts arm around Jacob- Lesson One: Distraction!


	9. Chapter 9

Ginny: Hey Hermione, who was that?

Hermione: Oh, that was Jack, I just met him and we've been talking, you know...

Ginny: Wouldn't Ron be mad?

Hermione: Ron's too busy plotting with the fangirls

Ron: Okay ladies, listen up! Are we going to catch Edward?

Fangirls: YES!!!!

Ron: Here's the plan, Parvati and Cho will chase him to the Forbidden Forest. He'll run in, confused....with that cute confused look he gets when he's confused....

Lavender: Ron!

Ron: Sorry, got a little dazzled. Anyway, he'll run in. Lavender, you will be quietly tailing him, when he gets tired and sits send up the signal, at which point I will drive in in the Flying Ford Anglia. Lavender will push him into the car, and I'll drive away with him. We'll meet at the assigned meeting spot where I'll have him. Does everyone understand?

Fangirls: YES!

Ron: Okay, LET'S GO LADIESSSSSS!


	10. Chapter 10

Parvati: THERE HE IS! GET HIM!

Edward: AAAAHHHHH! WHY DO YOU LOVE ME?!?!?!? -runs upstairs-

Cho: No, wait, Edward, you're not supposed to go that way!

Padma: -from top of staircase- EDWARD!!!!!!!!

Edward: I'M SURROUNDED!!!! -runs downstairs and out front door-

Parvati: OME, you're so awesome, sis! -high five-

Edward: -almost at Forbidden Forest- JACOB!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

Jacob: So, Lesson Three is disguise....wait, is that Edward calling for help?

Hagrid: I think I heard whiny emo kid calling for help.

Jacob, Yup, that's Edward all right!! I'll uh, I have to uh...I have to go...

Hagrid: Okay, bye now!!

Edward: AGHHHHHH -runs into forbidden forest- Damn, this place is freaking creepy, it seems like a place where you would hide dragons or giants or something...

Lavender (whispering): now!

Ron and the Flying Ford Anglia: ALAKAZAM, B!TCH!!!

Edward: AGHHHHH! HELP! SERIOUSLY!

Jacob: -fursplodes- Grrrrr...

Ron and the Flying Ford Anglia: ...

Jacob: RAWWWWWR!!!

Ron and the Flying Ford Anglia: AIIIIIIIIEEEEE! -flee-

Jacob: -unfursplodes- Bella! I got him, it's okay!

Bella: -tackle!hugs Edward- You're okay! Jacob, I can't thank you enough...

Jacob: It's cool.

Edward: Yeah. -fist bump- I mean he's gonna end up with my daughter, what can I do?


	11. Chapter 11

Ron and Bella: -bump into each other-

Bella: Oh, I'm sorry!

Ron: No, it was my fau.....Mary-Sue, I MEAN, Bella. It's you.

Bella: ....yes.

Ron: Well, you just watch it from now on, understand?

Bella: Seriously? Come on. What's the worst you can do, turn me into a ginger?

Ron: Oh, do you wanna go?

Bella: Yeah, I wanna go.

Ron: Okay, you're going down -walks toward Bella-

Bella: OH MY GOD I WAS TOTALLY JOKING. I MEAN I CAN'T FIGHT YOU I'M NOT A WELL ROUNDED CHARACTER OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T BEAT UP FLAT CHARACTERS IT'S LIKE KICKING A DEAD PUPPY GEEZ.

Ron: ...Eh, for now I'll listen to that. But seriously, watch it. We don't like you around here.

Bella: Dude. Nobody likes me around anywhere, Edward only puts up with me for my freesia scented yummy Hawaiian Punch that flows through my veins. I smell like freesia and I fall down, that's ALL I EVER DO. It SUCKS SO BAD, MAN. SO BAD.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Neville: Hey, uh, hey Bella, can you come here, for a minute?

Bella: Sure.

Neville: Well, uh, I'm Neville, and I heard about your (whispering) flatness.

Bella: -sigh- You can say it out loud, dude. everyone already knows.

Neville: Okay, I feel bad, I mean, I can't even imagine what it must be like to be flat, and I uh, I wanna help you.

Bella: ...help me? No one's ever tried to help me...

Neville: Well, I do. I'm going to introduce you to my friend Joanne. She can fix you right up.

Bella: Really? Thank you!!!

Neville: Yes, really, come on!


	12. Chapter 12

Alice: Luna, this is Jasper.

Jasper: Hi.

Luna: Hello. Are you okay? You look a little sad or pained...

Jasper: OH MY GOD, seriously? THAT'S JUST HOW MY FACE IS, IT'S JUST MY FXCKING FACE GEEZ!

Alice: Now, Jasper, calm down....

--~~--

A/N: Hey guys, MidnightWriter here. Just wanted to let y'all know we should be posting a chapter a day pretty regularly. However, from August 9 to August 16, I will be on vacation and I don't know if I'll have Internet access. If I do, updates should continue to come at their regular pace. HOWEVER, if I don't, it will be up to AwesomeKid to get chapters written and posted, and I don't know if she can keep writing at that speed. If at all possible, we will give you guys an extra chap on the 8th before I leave so that you'll have a little extra to tide you over, just in case. Review please, my dear readers! (And thanks for all the faves and alerts! Reviews just happen to be our favorite. :D) Here's to all our reviewers: Aquamarine Jazz, EmeraldEyes1994, PhoenixDreamer55, luvin it!!!, , lizabm, Nomma, Erin, Cdianaloveshp, and lolinggg. Your support makes us want to write even more! :D~MidnightWriter


	13. Chapter 13

Harry: ...and I really don't like how the werewolf kid is always following that toddler around, it's kinda creepy and Edward is okay with it which reinforces what I told you earlier about--

Ginny: Harry?

Harry: Yeah?

Ginny: SHUT UP. All you've been doing is talking about Edward and I AM SICK OF IT.

Harry: But Ginny...!

Ginny: Nuh-uh, don't you 'but Ginny' me! I hear enough about that guy from Ron! You're getting as bad as the fangirls!

Harry: -gasp- YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Ginny: I will once you stop talking about him and let it go.

Harry: But I really think he's up to something and I don't like it! Can't you see he's a creepster? OR ARE YOU A FANGIRL?!?!!?

Ginny: -gasp- HARRY JAMES POTTER HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT?

Harry: HA!

Hermione: HEY. Hey, I know we're all a little weirded out by THEIR presence, and we're on edge, but there is no reason to call each other fangirls!

Ginny: Fine.

Harry: Fine.

Hermione: Good. Now, Luna has a new friend she'd like us to meet. Let's go.


	14. Chapter 14

Luna: Everyone, these are my friends Alice and Jasper. And Jasper IS happy, his face just looks that way.

All: Ohhhh.

Hermione: Hi I'm--

Alice: Hermione. Ginny, and you're Harry.

All: -are dumbstruck-

Luna: Oh, Alice is psychic!

Ginny: You could have mentioned that earlier, Luna!

Alice: Oh hey, we should move three steps to the left, 'cause there's gonna be a redhead with a band of salivating girls running this way....

All: .....

Ron and Fangirls: WE SAW SOMETHING SPARKLEEEEEE! IT MUST BE EDWARD!!!! -stampede stampede-

Alice: (singsong) Nooo, it's noooot!

All: .....

Ron and Fangirls: ....stupid Salazar Slytherin with his stupid shiny locket...

Hermione: Alice, I hope I'm not too forward, but--

Alice: You'd like to study me, and no, it's not too forward, I understand the interest!

Ginny: That's gonna get annoying.

-~~-

A/N: Hey guys, MidnightWriter here! We had this chapter written a day early and then of course I forgot to post it yesterday! Hopefully we'll have a double-whammy, but the next chap isn't quite finished yet, so we're a day behind!!! Hope you enjoy it and please review!


	15. Chapter 15

Edward: WHOA! WHO IS THAT SUPERMEGAFOXYAWESOMEHOT GIRL!

Jacob: Edward!!! What about Bella!

Emmett: Well, we're kinda already six feet under with the whole 'eternal damnation' thing, what with the thirst for blood and all. Polygamy isn't high up on the badness list....and hey Jacob, why are you wearing glasses and a blonde wig?

Edward: And I do have Bella, but I am allowed to appreciate the female form....

Emmett: -snort-

Jacob: Right, Edward...oh and it's a disguise to keep the fangirls away.

Emmett: Gotcha.

Pansy: -sniffs the air- Jacob....he's near....

Hannah: All I see is Edward, Emmett, that badass chick, and that guy with long blonde hair and glasses....

Romilda: Well, what if the glasses guy....

ALL: JACOOOOOOB! -stampede run trample-

Jacob: WHAT THE HELL!!!!!

Edward: Hey, how you doin'? -glances over Bella appreciatively-

Bella: Edward. Hello??? Do you need glasses or something? You've seen me before!

Edward: Oh, I have? Then that must mean we're destined for each other...

Bella: Um, duh! We figured that out a looooooooong time ago.

Edward: We did? Wait... BELLA!?!?!?!?!?!

Neville: -pops up from behind a tree in a rather creepster-ish fashion- Yep! I took her to my author to cure her flatness.

Edward:-staring at Bella's chest- I never thought she was flat...

Bella: I know you didn't, and my face is up here, Twinkletoes.

Edward: Twinkletoes?

Bella: What? You are kinda sparkly. Are you queer, or did you just get dropped in a vat of glitter when you were little?

Emmett: -snicker snicker-

Edward: .....

Neville: See how totally awesome and not-flat she is now!!

Jacob: -no longer in disguise, being chased by fangirls- AHHHHHHHH! HELP!

Bella: HEY. Yeah, you, you little twits. Leave my friend ALONE, got it? I SAID GOT IT!?!!?

Fangirls: Yes! -scamper away-

Jacob: Whoa. Bella. niiiiice!!! –high-five- Is that YOUR motorcycle?!

Bella: Yeah, you wanna make something of it?

Jacob: ...no. No I do not.

-~~-

A/N: MidnightWriter here again! You get a bit of a bonus chapter today to make up for yesterday's mixup! Also, for the word supermegafoxyawesomehot, we credit StarKidPotter's A Very Potter Musical. Review, my darlings! :D


	16. Chapter 16

Lupin: Okay, you need to work on your disguises, but you have Avoidance mastered!

Jacob: Yes! I've been working on that!

Lupin: And I think we can start a new lesson soon and--

Harry: Hey Remus! I was wondering if I can borrow the-- Wait. Huh?!?

Jacob: Hey Harry!

Harry: ...What are you doing here!?!

Lupin: I'm helping him learn how to evade his fangirls.

Harry: And what's that toddler doing here? And Emmett?

Jacob: Renesmee just likes to look at the grindylow swim, don't you darling?

Renesmee: Yes.

Jacob: ISN'T SHE ADORABLE!!?!? I MEAN, JUST THE CUTEST THING EVER EVER!?!??

Harry: Yes. What's Emmett doing here?

Jacob: He uh, he also likes to watch the grindylow swim.

Emmett: IT'S JUST SO COOL!

Lupin: Yeeeah. Anyway, what were you here for, Harry?

Harry: I need to borrow your Sneakoscope. Mine is broken. It's totally still when someone I KNOW is bad is around!

Lupin: Maybe the person you're using it on isn't bad....

Harry: HE IS! I KNOW IT! I NEED THE SNEAKOSCOPE!

Jacob, Renesmee and Emmett: -step back slooowly-

Lupin: Here. And have some chocolate. You need it.


	17. Chapter 17

Harry: -sneaking and murmuring to himself like a creep- Okay. This is it. You have the Sneakoscope. And there he is. Edward. You can do it. Let's go. -walks over- Oh hey Edward, what's up?

Edward: Not much. Just brooding, you know, the usual.

Harry: Oh yeah, cool. So, uh, I got you this, uh....keychain. It lights up sometimes. Wanna see it?

Edward: Okay.

Harry: -whips out Sneakoscope- AHA! I KNEW IT! YOU ARE A TOTAL CREEP AND THE FLASHING PROVES IT AND SO DOES THE WHI--it's not flashing and whistling?

Edward: Nope. If you don't mind, I have to find my girlfriend who suddenly decided to be badass.

Harry: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!?!?!

-~~-

A/N: Hey guys! Sorry for the short-ish chap, but we'll have two up tomorrow hopefully! :D Review please!


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Hey hey, AwesomeKid here! We had some technical difficulties and couldn't log on to ff yesterday, so here's the first of your two chapters as promised! (I can has two noo chaptuhz? Yes, you can has! Make sure to ruhvyew those chaptuhz, puhleez! LOLCats FTW :)

Fleur: 'Ello Ronald, 'Ow are you?

Ron: Good, Fleur what're you doing here?

Fleur: Bill ees 'elping 'Agrid with reepairs to 'ees 'ouse.

Ginny: Ohh yeah, something about someone accidentally running a car into the wall, right, RON?

Ron: -blushing- He was RIGHT there, Gin, what was I supposed to do!?!?

Ginny: Oh, I don't know, maybe NOT DRIVE A CAR INTO HAGRID'S HUT!?!?!

Fleur: ...Anyway, I am eer just to be with Bill, to see 'Ogwarts again, you know.

Rosalie: Is that a Louis Vuitton bag with--

Fleur: --extra pocket space for leepgloss? Yes, eet ees.

Rosalie: I have the same one! I'm Rosalie.

Fleur: I am Fleur. Eet ees lovely to meet you.

Rosalie: Charmed. Does your bag have the semi unaligned stitching making it--

Fleur: --extra rare as the magic in the bag ees not compleetly aligned weeth the leather? Yes, ees yours the--

Rosalie: --the same way? Yes. Let's sit and talk, shall we?

Fleur: We shall.

Ginny: Well, now Fleur's got a partner in crime. I've seen everything, honestly!


	19. Chapter 19

Lupin: Jacob, this is Bill. Bill was attacked by a werewolf, but he's not a total werewolf. He's mostly human, but he's in the werewolf club anyway.

Jacob: Hey.

Bill: 'Sup.

Jacob, Lupin, and Bill: -all jump up- Go Go Werewolf Rangers!!

Harry: ...Oh, they get a little theme and we don't!? Ron!? Hermione!? We need a theme!! C'mere, we're making a theme!! How about Wonder Trio Powers, Activate! Form of, an angsty teenage boy!!! Isn't that a good idea!?!?!?!

Hermione: -sigh- I need more girl friends.

A/N: Hey hey, it's AwesomeKid again! So, seeing as we don't want to get sued or anything hinky like that, I credit the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (for the Go Go Werewolf Rangers bit) and The Wonder Twins (for the Wonder Trio Powers bit.)


	20. Chapter 20

Pansy: Okay, listen up! Jacob's been taking on disguises lately, and we've been able to see through them, but that could change, we have to be ready for anything!! Which is why Romilda and Daphne have made this easy way to see through a disguse.

Romilda: So, let's say you see someone who looks vaguely familiar.

Daphne: And you want to see if it's Jacob Black in disguise.

Romilda: Never fear, for there are some easy questions you can use to determine if it really is Jacob!

Daphne: Do you happen to be a werewolf?

Romilda: Do you explode into fur every so often?

Daphne: Is your girlfriend a toddler?

Romilda: Are you a member of the quileute tribe?

Daphne: Do you smell fudge when there is no fudge?

Snape: Ok, seriously? SERIOUSLY? 10 points from all of your houses for pure stupidity!!

Pansy and Daphne: But Sir...!

Snape: Ohh. Hey girls heyy! No points taken from Slytherin. But really, you're all being very stupid. -hairflip capeswish snark-

All Fangirls: -jawdrop-

A/N: Hey readers heyyy. For the Fudge question, We'd like to credit Warehouse 13.


	21. Chapter 21

Draco: Hey...HEY! Potter!

Harry: What?!

Draco: So, I heard that you were kinda suspicious of this Edward guy. And I don't like him either and--

Harry: HELP ME TAKE HIM DOWN!!!

Draco: I thought you'd never ask!!! -fist bump-

Harry: Does this mean we're friends now?

Draco: I hope not...


	22. Chapter 22

Bill, Lupin, and Jacob: -run by excitedly with much yelling and jubilation-

Luna: What was--

Alice: Werewolf Rangers.

Luna: Ohh. Anyway, then we stole Thestrals in order to get to the Ministry and--

Alice: Really? I stole a car in Italy once.

Luna: That sounds very interesting.

Alice: It was.

Hermione: You STOLE a car!?

Alice: Not just any car, it was a PORSCHE.

Luna and Ginny: Oooooh.

Neville: How BADASS!

Hermione: -gasp- You STOLE a car!!?

Ginny: Uh, Hermione, If I remember correctly, didn't you once confund Cormac McLa--

Hermione: SO ANYWAY PLEASE TELL US HOW YOU PULLED OFF GRAND THEFT AUTO ALICE.


	23. Chapter 23

Jacob: So Bill, How did you get--

Fangirls: ZOMG JAAAAACOB! -stampede-

Jacob: AHHHHHHH!

Bill: Oh my god!

Lupin: Wait, I know how to fix this! Accio Jonas Brothers!

Jonas Brothers: -appear-

Fangirls: ....ZOMG IT'S THE JONAS BROTHERS AIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!

Jonas Brothers: Dude, What the hell!?!?

Jacob: Thanks Remus!

Nick Jonas: -somewhere in the distance- BUT I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

Joe Jonas: -also in the distance- AND I'M TOO PRETTY TO DIE!

Kevin Jonas: -still in the distance- AND I'M TOO MUCH OF A THIRD WHEEL TO DIE!!!

Fangirls: -again, in the distance- Oh, we won't kill you! -evil grin-

-~~-

A/N: Hey guys, MidnightWriter here! Just wanted to let you all know that we will get in all our updates for the week. Even if there are days with none, we will make up for it the following day by posting two chapters. Thanks for understanding and PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Nothing encourages us to post like a lot of reviews! :D


	24. Chapter 24

Harry: So then I was thinking we could bust in here and--

Draco: No you twit, busting in places does nothing, you have to sneak in, like this: -sneaks-

Harry: That's STUPID.

Draco: YOU'RE STUPID.

Jonas Brothers: AIIIIIIIIEEE! -run by with lipstick all over them-

Fangirls: No wait! COME BACK!! -also run by, reapplying lipstick-

Snape: 20 points from all of your houses! That includes you Jonas Brothers, I don't care how delicious you are!

-runs by-

McGonagall: I DEMAND you all stop this AT ONCE!!! Thaat includes you Jonas Brothers, I'm immune to your charms!!! –runs by-

Harry: No, THAT was stupid. No one is immune to the Jonas charm.

Draco: You're a fan? ME TOO! -squeal-

Harry: WANNA GO LISTEN TO A LITTLE BIT LONGER AND PINE FOR NICK!?!?

Draco: ZOMG YES!


	25. Chapter 25

Harry: Okay, I've got a great plan to catch Edward, but we'll need a foe glass. Do you have one of those?

Draco: Yeah, I think we have one at the manor.

Ginny: -mimicking- Yeah, I think we have one of those at the manor.

Draco: Shut up!

Ginny: -mimicking- Shut up!

Draco: You shut up!

Ginny: No, YOU.

Draco: NO, YOU!

Ginny: NO, YOU!

Hermione: OH. MY. GOD. I WILL HEX YOU ALL SO BADLY YOUR RESPECTIVE MOTHERS WILL FEEL IT. HARRY, PLEASE TAKE YOUR PARANOID PLOTTING SOMEWHERE ELSE. GINNY, PLEASE TAKE YOUR IMMATURITY SOMEWHERE ELSE. I AM TRYING TO READ.

Harry: FINE. C'mon Malfoy! -both strut away-

Ginny: ...I'm sorry Hermione. What are you reading?

Hermione: Gilderoy Lockheart: The Untold Story.

Ginny: ...WHAT?

Hermione: See, once he got his memory back he publicly apologized to all the witches and wizards he obliviated to steal their triumph, and went around giving them back their memories. Then he wrote a memoir about recovering from having his memory undone and his time in St. Mungo's. It's quite interesting, even if there are three chapters on his new hair care line.


	26. Chapter 26

Lost and Confused Jacob Fangirl: So, what is it you do as a Werewolf Ranger?

Sirius: Oh you know, save the world and look good doing it. -wink-

Fangirl: Ooooh! -giggle-

Sirius: Yeah.

Lupin: SIRIUS!

Sirius: I gotta go darling, can I Floo you sometime?

Lupin: I'm sorry, he has to go now. -drags Sirius off-

Sirius: OW. OW, MOONY, OW!

Lupin: You can't go around telling girls you're a Werewolf Ranger! It is a sacred thing between Jacob, Bill, and me!

Sirius: Sorry Moony.


	27. Chapter 27

Alice: Hey Emmett, two redhead dudes are gonna jump you...NOW.

George: Hello Newcomer! That's Gred--

Fred: --and that's Forge! We were wondering if--

George: --you'd like a cream puff?

Emmett: Oh, sure! -eats puff- -turns into a canary-

Alice: -hysterical laughter-

Emmett: WTF?

Fred: You've just been the lovely recipient of--

George: A Canary Cream! Did you like that prank!?

Emmett: NO.

Alice: HELL YES.

Fred: Then come down to Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, Ninety-Six Diagon Alley!

Bella: Hey, I heard a commotion so I-- AHAHAHAHH EMMETT YOU FAIL.

George: Feel free to stop by the jokeshop one day, pretty lady.

Bella: I'll make sure to do that, stud. –wink-

Emmett and Alice: WTF?

Fred: -pouts-


	28. Chapter 28

George: Would you like a sweet Luna?

Luna: Thank you George, I'd love one!

Emmett: DON'T.

Luna: Hm?

Emmett: DON'T. Trust me honey, it's a bad plan.

Luna: My oh my, Emmett, you seem rather flustered. Is there a Crumple-Horned Snorkack about? I hear that sometimes they can make one rather paranoid. And the yellow feathers around you would indicate that there's one nearby!! Oh, let's go see if we can find it Emmett, come on!!! -drags Emmett off-

George: Humph. One Canary Cream and suddenly I'M the bad guy.

Hermione: See, funnily enough, some people don't enjoy being turned into a giant canary.

Fred: OH MY GOD HERMIONE WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BUZZKILL? C'mon Georgie Porgie, let's find the fun people! Accio fun people!

-Ron, Ginny, Seamus, and Sirius appear-

George: Fabulous!


	29. Chapter 29

Harry: Where's the foe glass again?

Draco: It should be in some of the back storage rooms.

Ginny: Damn, how big is this place?! I mean, you have enough room for a freakin' rocketship in here! Are you planning on an expedition to Mars or something!?!?

Draco: Huge. It IS a MANOR after all. And I wouldn't be surprised if Father had a hand in some type of space travel, he's rather interested in the skies, you know. I find it rather fascinating myself.

Harry: What's behind this door?

Draco: -runs over, throws self in front of door- Do NOT go in there. It's got our Devil's Snare inside.

Ginny: You have your own Devil's Snare!?!!?

Draco: ....Mum's interested in Herbology...

Harry: Can I go behind this door?

Draco: Yeah, go ahead.

Harry: I FOUND IT!

Ginny: What, the rocketship?

Harry: No, the foe glass!!


	30. Chapter 30

Hermione: Where did you guys get the foe glass?

Draco: My manor. We're using it in a plot to catch Edward.

Hermione: ...really? REALLY?

Harry: Yeah. I think this time it's gonna work too! WE'RE GONNA GET EDWARD ONCE AND FOR ALL!

Ron and the Fangirls: WHAT?!

Harry: We're gonna catch that little motherf--

Draco: SHUT UP AND RUN. -grabs Harry and runs-

Ron and the Fangirls: -chase-

Hermione: Ron! RON! Come back here right now, or… or if we ever have kids, I'll name them something stupid like HUGO! I MEAN IT MISTER!!!


	31. Chapter 31

The Werewolf Rangers run in, jumping around and laughing-

Jacob: That was so awesome! I can't believe Sirius fell for it!!

Lupin: That's what he gets for impersonating a Werewolf Ranger!

Bill: Aaaaaawooooooo!

Lupin and Jacob: Aaaaaaaawoooo!

Jacob: ...Did you guys hear that?

Bill: What?

Jacob: I heard some scratching or something...

Lupin: Yeah, I hear it too, it's coming from over there, near that tree...

Bill: Shhhh -tiptoes over-

Jacob and Lupin: -follow-

All Three: Aaaaaawooo! -jump out in a position reminisicent of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers-

Harry and Draco: -bound and gagged in a tree- MUMBLE MUMBLE MUMBLE!!

Bill: -degags them- What happened!?

Draco: Those batshit crazy Edward fangirls happened!! They heard SOMEBODY -glares at Harry- badmouth him and chased us in here and tied us to this tree! It is SO unfitting of someone of my stature as a Malfoy!!

Jacob: -unties them and helps them down- Boy, am I glad I'm not Edward! I mean, yeah, he got the chick I thought I was in love with, but his fangirls are SCARY.

Bill: Even Ron?

Harry: I dunno, I saw some redness, but I couldn't tell, it was all so fast...

Lupin: It's okay Harry. Let's get you two up to the hospital wing, just to be safe.

Draco: NO! NO! NOT BEFORE WE FEED THE FANGIRLS TO THE GIANT SQUID.

Jacob: -picks up Draco-

Draco: No! No! UNHAND ME, YOU CRETIN, I HAVE TO GET THE FANGIRLS!!

Harry: -snickers-


	32. Chapter 32

Ron: Edward! EDWARD! I LOVE YOU!

Pansy: JACOB! JACOB, FATHER MY WEREBABIES!

Ron: EDWARD I....oh. It's YOU.

Pansy: Please move out of my way, your stupid sparkling is blinding me.

Ron: I was here first, so why don't YOU move out of MY way, I'm allergic to fur. Especially of MUTTS.

-in the background, Michael Kelso is yelling 'BURN' loudly-

Pansy: -gasp- I come from the FINEST Wizarding families, as does Jacob, you, you, REDHEADED PLEBIAN!

Ron: OH, THAT IS IT HUSSY.

Pansy: BRING IT.

-a girlfight breaks out-

Every male in Hogwarts: -runs to the scene of the girlfight-

Snape: OHMYGOD, SERIOUSLY? -pulls them apart-

Pansy: I'll rip your hair out, you little tramp!

Ron: I'll claw your eyes out, you slimy snake!

Snape: -sigh- I do NOT get paid enough for this.


	33. Chapter 33

George: -sneaks up behind Bella- Well, hey there pretty lady.

Bella: -isn't scared- Well, hey there yourself.

George: So, what brings you to my joke shop?

Bella: -deadpans- I needed some Skivving Snackboxes. Why do you think?

George: Ummm.... you need a love potion?

Bella: I came to see you. Duh!

George: Well, you don't need a love potion, I'm already under your spell.

Bella: Niiiice, do you use that line on all the ladies, or just me?

George: Only the ones I really like.

Bella: Well then maybe you should take me out sometime.

George: Maybe I should.

Bella: Maybe you will.

George: Oh, I think I will. You ever heard of this Muggle thing called 'movies?' They're these pictures that talk, my Dad says they're fascinating.

Bella: I've heard of them, and I'd love to go with you. When will you pick me up?

George: Around eight?

Bella: Good.

Fred: -runs out of the back storeroom- You, you wouldn't happen to have any sassy, sexy friends, would you?

Bella: ....Oh, you're going to LOVE Alice.


	34. Chapter 34

Bella: Alice, this is Fred, Fred, meet Alice.

Alice: Hi, lovely to meet you.

Fred: Charmed. Are all vampires as pretty as you ladies?

Alice: Are all wizards as flirty as you are?

Fred: Oh, a sassy one, are you?

Alice: Yes, in fact I am. Want to make something of it?

Fred: Yeah, let me take you out tonight.

Alice: Okay, what shall we do?

Fred: Whatever you want, baby.

Alice: ....Have you ever been to Italy, Fred? I stole a car there once.

Fred: I set a load of demon fireworks on a particularly nasty teacher.

Alice: ....I like you, Fred. You seem fun.


	35. Chapter 35

Snape: -dragging Ron and Pansy- Albus! ALBUS!

Dumbledore: -is wearing a baseball cap backwards and a big ass chain with the words 'big ass chain' on it- Damn, Snape, why you gotta be so pushy?

Snape: Oh, Albus, are you still infatuated with that muggle crap music?

Dumbledore: It's called rap Severus, and I find it quite, oh how do the muggle teens put it....rad.

-the Antirap Rangers run in-

Antirap Rangers: Rap is NOT music, you fool!

Dumbledore: -poofs them away- Anyway, what up, yo?

Snape: Albus, I cannot take you seriously unless you take off the hat and chain.

Dumbledore: Fine, fine. What's the matter?

Snape: These two were fighting in the female muggle style in the corridors!

Dumbledore: Is this true?

Pansy: Well, only because HE'S a horrid, sparkling FREAK!

Ron: Me! You, YOU'RE a furry little twit!

Snape: Sir, something HAS to be done about them.

Dumbledore: -eats a lemon drop- You're right Severus. Ronald, Pansy, you both have a week of detentions in the greenhouse. The Venemous Tentacula is breeding and must be potted. Now, go back to your common rooms, I am going on a boat motherf--

Ron: OKAY BYE SIR.

Pansy: SEE YOU LATER HEADMASTER.

Snape: OH LOOK AT THE TIME.


	36. Chapter 36

Harry: OK, so we need a new plan to get Edward.

Draco: Yeah. Umm... any ideas?

Moaning Myrtle: Harry! You came back to see me!

Harry: Oh. Hi, Myrtle. Draco, say hi to Myrtle.

Draco: No! Leave us alone! We're trying to plot here!

Myrtle: He's not nearly as nice as you are, Harry. What are you up two up to?

Draco: None of your business. Now go away, Harry and I have plotting to do.

Harry: Oh, Draco, be nice. Myrtle, we're planning to expose Edward Cullen for what he really is.

Myrtle: Oh, you mean the pale boy who looks vaguely like that nice boy Cedric from a few years ago? What is he really?

Harry: EVIL! And he IS Cedric, I swear!

Draco: Now, now, Harry, calm down.

Myrtle: Ooh! Sounds like fun, can I help?

Harry and Draco: NO!

Myrtle: -runs off into toilet bend-

Harry: Ooh, what about a... No, that wouldn't work...

Draco: OH! What about the... never mind...

Draco: OH! What about the... never mind...

Harry: Rocketship?

Draco: YESSSSS! We can tie him to it...and send him...TO MAAAARS!

Harry: How?

Draco: Easy, we'll seduce him! We'll need disguises, though...


	37. Chapter 37

Edward: Bella! Bella, where are you?

Bellatrix: Rodolphus? Rodolphus is that you?!

Edward: Who's Rodolphus? I'm Edward.

Bellatrix: Why were you calling me?

Edward: I'm not calling YOU, I'm calling my girlfriend, Bella!

Bellatrix: -slowly getting more menacing as she continues- I am NOT your girlfriend! I am MARRIED and my boyfriend is the DARKEST of LORDS, do you understand me, punk?

Edward: ...ohmygod that was so hot.

Bellatrix: Wha..?

Edward: My old girl was flat, that was, that was...

Bellatrix: -walking towards Edward in a manner normally reserved for lions that are about to devour gazelles- Well, then...

Bella: -pops up in a format eerily similar to Apparition- HEY BACK OFF LADY.

Edward: ...YOU CAN'T TALK YOU'RE OUT ON A DATE WITH THAT REDHEAD GUY!

Bella: Is that REALLY the point here?

Edward: ...YES! IT IS!

Bella: Oh be quiet, you don't know what the point is.

Bellatrix: Do you wanna go, leather jacket girl?

Bella: Bring it, crazy eyes!

-a girlfight breaks out-

The Entire Male Population of Hogwarts: -runs to the girlfight-

Snape: OH NOT AGAIN! ....Bellatrix!? AW MAN, I CAN'T GIVE HER A DETENTION...AND I CAN'T GIVE LEATHER JACKET GIRL A DETENTION EITHER OH THIS SUCKS ROYAL HIPPOGRIFF.

A/N : For "this sucks royal hippogriff' We credit Starkid Potter's A Very Potter Musical and for the idea of a Bella vs Bella skirmish, we credit our lovely friend Vicki.


	38. Chapter 38

Luna: So how did your date with Fred go?

Alice: It was fun, we went to the movies and dinner. He was very sweet, although he and his brother finish each other's sentences a lot. At first it was weird, but now I'm used to it.

Luna: Are you going out again?

Alice: Yeah, we're going on a picnic on Tuesday, I asked him.

Luna: That was very brave. I bet you'd be a Gryffindor.

Alice: A what?

Luna: It's one of the four houses here, you get sorted when you start school, and your house is like your family. You live in your house dorms, hang out in your house common room and attend classes with your house. There are four: Gryffindor, the brave and chivalrous, Slytherin, the ambitious and cunning, Hufflepuff, the just and loyal and my house Ravenclaw, the smart and witty. ....Alice, would you like to be sorted??

Alice: I'd love to be!

Luna: C'mon, let's get you to Professor Dumbledore's office, that's where the Sorting Hat stays!!

-In Dumbledore's Office-

Alice: I can't believe the password was lollipop, it was SO easy!

Luna: Yes, well, sit down and I'll put the hat on your head. -puts hat on Alice-

Hat: AY WHAT THE HELL?

Luna: I'm sorry to disturb you, but would you mind sorting my friend here?

Hat: Luna Lovegood? Haven't heard from you in a while....doing well in Ravenclaw, I assume?

Luna: Yes.

Alice: Can I just get sorted here!

Hat: FINE. I'll save my composition for my girlfriend, for later, but if she gets mad, I'M BLAMING YOU. Anyway, hmmm, very smart....Loyal too, I see, but brave, so brave, and kind, too....yes, I know where you'll be....GRYFFINDOR!

Luna: Oh, I just knew it!!!


	39. Chapter 39

Harry: Draco, do you have the Foe Glass?

Draco: Yeah, I do.

Harry: Do you have a visual?

Draco: Yeah. He's looking particularly sparkly and evil. It's the skin of a killer, Harry.

Harry: OK, this time we're finally gonna get him. Foe Glass?

Draco: Foe Glass. –hands over Foe Glass-

Harry: Pliers?

Draco: Pliers. –hands over pliers-

Harry: Token Hufflepuff?

Draco: Token Hufflepuff. –hands over Hannah Abbott-

Harry: Girl disguises?

Draco: Girl disguises. –both shimmy into slinky black dresses with built-in fake boobs, blonde wigs, heavy eye makeup, and high heels-

Zacharias Smith: -wolf whistles-

Harry: Squirt?

Draco: Squirt. –hands over Squirt using pliers- (aside) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that it how much I dislike Squirt. I refuse to touch it.

Harry: I think we're ready. You know the plan?

Draco: I know the plan.

Harry: Ready, set, break!

Draco: Hello there.

Edward: -licks lips- Hello there yourself.

Draco: -runs up to Edward and uses pliers to pull him forward by the pinky finger-

Edward: Oh my God, WHAT THE HELL!

Harry: -picks up Squirt, takes a sip, and kisses Hannah Abbott- (aside) It's just for good luck, I swear! I'm fully committed to Ginny.

Hannah: I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL! –slaps Harry and runs away-

Harry: -sticks out chest- Hey, stud.

Edward: Hellllllo Nurse!

Harry: SUCKER! -picks up Foe Glass and smashes it over Edward's head-

Ginny: That's what you needed the Foe Glass for? Really, Harry?

Hermione: -shakes head with sigh- Boys…

Harry: What do you know, sparklecedriczombie? Are you from the future? Did you come here in a DeLorean? And can I get in a ride in it? I've always wanted to ride in one of those…

­­­­­­________________________________________________________________________

Ron: -looks up- My Edward senses are tingling. LADIES!

Fangirls: -run to Ron-

Cho: What's wrong, Ron? What's wrong?!

Ron: Ladies, I think Edward is in grave danger! We have to go save him!

Lavender: Can we do that? I mean, we're just a bunch of fangirls.

Ron: -whips out wise-looking glasses and puts them on- It's not our abilities that show what we truly are, but our choices.

Dumbledore: -pops in- That was my line, you scumbag!

Ron: Whatever. Let's go save our Edward, ladies!

Ron and fangirls: -run to where Harry and Draco have Edward tied to the rocketship-

Parvati: Halt, you fiends!

Fangirls: -grab Harry and Draco and drag them away from Edward-

Draco: Let go of me, you cretins!

Harry: Never let go of me, you cretins. –snuggles into fangirls- I like being manhandled!

Parvati: We don't swing that way.

Harry: Please don't tell me you're not stupid enough to buy this.

Cho: Buy what? Is there a sale?

Ron: -unties Edward- Oh, Edward, my love, I'm so glad you're free!

Edward: Wow, I didn't think you guys had a purpose until now! But… I, uh, I, uh… I gotta go.

Fangirls: NO! Edward, wait!

Edward: Thanks for saving me. Really, I owe ya one. But I got places to be, people to see, a badass girlfriend to save from a crazy red-headed guy, and a crazy-eyed, frizzy-haired, psycho-faced girlfriend to seduce. Really, it's gonna be a long day. So… bye! –runs away-

Fangirls: -in a very South Park-ish way- Goddammit!

Cho: I'm definitely gonna collect on him owing me one…

A/N: We credit StarKidPotter's A Very Potter Musical for the whole Squirt thing, the Animaniacs for "Hellllllllo nurse!", and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore for his quote that Ron says. It's from CoS, in case you were wondering. To our loyal readers across the globe: As we converge on our fiftieth chapter, it has come to our attention that this chapter (which will be of epic proportions, we assure you) will be posted the day after we go back to school. So let us apologize for the posts that may come late as we adjust to our new daily schedules. We thank our wonderful reviewers: lolinggg, Cdianaloveshp, Erin, Nomma, lizabm, , luvin it, PhoenixDreamer55, Aquamarine Jazz, EmeraldEyes1994, Raze, Terra-Cullen, Synystersdream1, NutMegg, BellaHermione, TuRtLe88, CommeParMagie, Ich-bin-ein-Darsteller, KingZant99, Marie Elaine Cullen, V-Alice-C, draco-luvr1018, , Jasper/Draco fangirl, xRainCherryx, CrazyCreamyCandy, Riley61, ur no 1 fan, CRsalvygirl13, Mrs. Emmett McCarthy Matthews, Jade Sun, stupidlambb, denimgirl09, Ophelia0123, and On Emmett's team. :D We love you guys and you give us inspiration to write more! For new readers: feel free to review! We love when we have new reviews! :D Thanks, hope you like it! ~MidnightWriter and AwesomeKid


	40. Chapter 40

Alice: Oh, come onnnnn guys, getting sorted is fun! I'm a Gryffindor, RAWR!

Emmett, Edward, Renesmee, Bella, Jasper, Jacob, and Rosalie: Uh...

Alice: YAY I'M SO GLAD YOU AGREED!

Luna: -whips out The Hat- This is the sorting hat. It will sort you into one of the four houses, Gryffindor the brave and chivalrous, Hufflepuff, the just and loyal, Ravenclaw, the smart and witty, or Slytherin, the cunning and ambitious.

The Hat: LET'S GET THIS SORTING PARTY STAAAAAARTED, HEYYYY!

Emmett: Okay...I'll go first. -puts on The Hat-

The Hat: Hmmmm, let's seeeeeeee...brash! Daring! Gryffindor, of course!

Alice: Oh goody, Emmett's with me!

Jacob: ...oh why not? -puts on The Hat-

The Hat: ...HUFFLEPUFF!

Bella: -nudges Jasper out of the way- Me next. -puts on The Hat-

The Hat: ...hummm, seems you've undergone a great change recently, have you not?

Luna: She was cured of her flatness.

The Hat: Ah, well that's it! Anyway.....brave with a certain disregard for rules, but cunning, smarts and ambition that make me say SLYTHERIN!

Edward: Me next!

Jasper: Nuh-uh, I am NOT waiting another turn for some silly hat to talk to me. -puts on The Hat-

The Hat: Saucy little thing, aren't you? Oh, definitely RAVENCLAW!

Edward: ME NEXT! -puts on the hat-

The Hat: Oh, Hufflepuff, no question!

Rosalie: I'll go. -puts on The Hat-

The Hat: Loyal...but...I'm seeing some things that make me say SLYTHERIN!

Jacob: Renesmee, it's your turn, okay? -puts The Hat on her-

Renesmee: Okay.

Jacob: ZOMG SHE'S ADORABLE!

The Hat: Hmmm so very young, so very SMART...RAVENCLAW!

Alice: AWESOME!

Everyone else: Eh, yeah -mumble mumble-

The Hat: Can I PLEASE go back to writing that song for my girlfriend?!


	41. Chapter 41

Draco: I can't believe this didn't work, it's ALL your fault!!

Harry? MY fault? I wasn't the one who got DIET Squirt!!

Draco: I wasn't the one who got HANNAH ABBOT!

Harry: Well, if it hadn't been for your STUPID disguise idea, then at least we could've gotten it on with some fangirls!!

Draco: You're so desperate you'll look at THOSE freaks?!

Harry: My BEST FRIEND Ron happens to be "one of those freaks!"

Draco: ...Yeah, I KNOW.

Hermione: BOYS! Can't you see this is tearing your ALREADY fragile relationship apart?

Draco: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I DON'T have a relationship with Potter and his bright green eyes and sexy-messy hair.

Harry: Yeah, and I don't even think about Malfoy's luminous pale skin or luscious blonde locks.

Hermione: .....

Ginny: ....Malfoy's hot, so this is actually going REALLY well for me....


	42. Chapter 42

Luna: ...And then I took Harry to find the diadem in Ravenclw Tower.

Alice: The missing diadem? Isn't it...missing?

Luna: I'll get to that part, so we got there and there was--

Hermione: Hey guys!

Luna: Oh hi Hermione. Are you wearing the medallion to ward off the Gulping Plimpies I gave you?

Hermione: Yes Luna...Alice, may I ask you something?

Alice: Yeah.

Hermione: So, you can see the future and I was wondering--

Alice: No, Miley does NOT marry Nick Jonas.

Ginny: WELL IT WAS A VALID QUESTION.

Hermione: Actually, I was going to ask if you could see the future of two of my friends.

Ginny: Hopefully three!

Alice: I can try.

Hermione: Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter.

Ginny: And Ginny Weasley!?

Alice: Hmmm...OH WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. I had no clue Malfoy was that FLEXIBLE. Wow. Uh, well, let's just say that, uh....three's apparently VERY good company...

Hermione: .....

Ginny: YES! YES! I GET TO BE THE RED FILLING IN A SEXY SANDWICH HELL YEAH!


	43. Chapter 43

The Fat Lady: Password?

Emmett: Uh...um, ALICE USE YOUR SUPAPOWAS!

Alice: ...Mimbulus mimbletonia?

The Fat Lady: Correct: -opens-

Emmett: Oh, WIN! I knew having a clairvoyant as a sister was a good plan!

Alice: Because you completely planned having a clairvoyant as a sister...

Dean: So, you guys are the new Gryffindors, hm? I'm D--

Alice: Dean, and that's Seamus, yes. I'm Alice and this is Emmett.

Dean: Wha?

Emmett: She can see the future. You guys should get used to it.

Seamus: AWESOME!

Lavender: Oooooh! Like Professor Trelawney!? Do you use tea leaves?!

Parvati: And Crystal Balls?!

Alice: Ahaahahahahahah! Why would I use that crap? Tea leaves....ahahaha, you're so cuuute!

Lavender: -stink eye-

Emmett: Yes, in fact you are, and I'm Emmett, single, single Emmett.

Ron: NOOOOOOO! -pushes Emmett out of the way-

Emmett: DUDE WHAT THE HELL.

Ron: Trust me. I just saved your dating LIFE.

-~~-

A/N: Hey guys! So somehow the dilemma we have a lot of "who's posting today?" didn't get solved yesterday. So this chapter is about 6 hours late. Sorry! :D *offers cookies* Hopefully we'll have another chapter out later tonight.


	44. Chapter 44

Luna: Everyone! These are the new Ravenclaws Professor Flitwick told us about! Meet Jasper and Renesmee.

Cho: D'awwww, Renesmee's adorable! Hi Renesmee! Wanna play?

Jacob: STEP OFF LADY.

Cho: -steps off-

Jasper: He's a little overprotective, I'm sorry. Jacob, GTFO our space.

Jacob: But--Renesmee--she might--I hafta..!

Jasper: Go.

Jacob: FINE! -mumble grumble stomp pout doorslam eyeroll-

Renesmee: Hello everyone.

Jasper: Hi guys!

Terry: Hey, welcome to Ravenclaw! Jasper, you'll be in our dorm up that way, and Renesmee, you'll be with loon -Alice pops in to give him a death glare- LUNA. Luna, you'll be with Luna.

Luna: -is oblivious to the Alice/Terry exchange- C'mon Renesmee, let's go get you situated! Jasper, we'll meet you back down here in a few minutes, and we can all go down to the lake for a stroll.

Jasper: Okay Luna, sounds good!

-~~-

A/N: Hello again, my dear readers! The start of school is rapidly approaching for AwesomeKid and I, and because of that, I have been forced (by the evil parental units) to start going to sleep earlier each night. We usually don't remember that we need to post a chapter until around 10 o'clock, 10:30 at night, and so AwesomeKid keeps having to write the chapters after I'm already off the computer for the night, and then they don't get posted. So today, we're going to try and post our catch-up chapter earlier so we can both contribute and nothing gets forgotten. Hope you guys enjoy! ~MidnightWriter


	45. Chapter 45

Bella: 'Sup Slytherins?

Slytherins: .....

Rosalie: Hi.

Slytherins: ...Who are you guys?

Bella: New Slytherins. I'm Bella, this is Rosalie.

Blaise: And I'm Blaise Zabini, charmed. -kisses Rosalie's hand-

Rosalie: Charmed. -flirty smile-

Bella: ...Charmed? Who says charmed?

Millicent: Blaise does. He's learned it from all the guys that have seduced his mom. I mean, we knew she was a slut, but goddamn!

Blaise: Oh Shut up, Millicent.

Millicent: Oh Blaisey, you know I adore you and your slutty, slutty mom.

Rosalie: Blaisey?

Blaise: -faceplam-

Rosalie: ...it's actually kinda cute...

Blaise: Have you seen your room yet? 'Cause I could show it to you. -wink-

Rosalie: I'd love that.

Bella: So I'll just stay here then...

-~~-

A/N: Ok, so here's yesterday's chapter. I don't think we're going to be able to make up that chapter we missed, and this weekend may also be an issue as I (MidnightWriter) will be on vacation. Again. But this time I _know_ I won't have Internet. Darn campsites without Internet hookups... Keep reviewing though, and AwesomeKid and I will try to get stuff posted when we can. Be looking forward to our fiftieth chapter spectacular!


	46. Chapter 46

Ernie: Hi! Are you guys the new Hufflepuffs we heard about?

Jacob: Uh... yeah. What are you guys doing?

Edward: Jacob, isn't it OBVIOUS? They're having a knitting circle.

Susan: Exactly!

Edward: Yay! I'm Edward. Can I join you?

Hannah: Absolutely!

Jacob: Ummm... knitting. Okayyyyy. Why not?

Edward: You know, I feel right at home here, like I was a Hufflepuff in a past life or something...

Justin: That's wonderful! I'm glad you're already feeling at home.

Hannah: You know, I don't know why Harry and Draco think you're so bad, Edward. You're an awfully nice guy.

Jacob: *muttering to himself* I feel so... girly. Bleccchh...

Ernie: What was that, Jacob?

Jacob: Oh, nothing... *stops knitting and goes over his notes from Remus*

Edward: Oh, don't mind him, he's not much of a knitter. Have you ever had a bake-off?

Susan: Oh, we LOVE bake-offs! Are you any good, Edward?

Edward: Am I any good? Baking is my best talent, next to finding anyway!

Justin: Finding is my favorite! I've FOUND that it is a universal Hufflepuff talent.

Jacob: *muttering again* That stupid Hat put me in the wrong house!

-~~-

A/N: Hello, lovelies! MidnightWriter here, and I just want to apologize for the week we've gone without updating. We've both been really busy with the first week of school and now that it's the weekend I wanted to give you guys a chapter. I saw our views were dwindling (thank God they never hit zero!) and thought this chapter would be a good pick-me-up for our faithful readers. :D Hope you enjoy! And by the by, updates may be a little more sporadic in the next week or so until AwesomeKid and I get used to our new schedules. Don't forget to review!


	47. Chapter 47

Edward: -handing out fliers- Bake Sale! Hufflepuff Bake Sale! All proceeds to go the Disabled Wizards and Witches of England! It's a great cause!

Harry: ...SERIOUSLY!?

Hermione: Now, Harry, that's impolite. Can't you see Edward's just a nice, albeit sparkly, young man?

Harry: HERMIIIIIIONE, HE'S EVIL, IT'S NOT EVEN...Draco, did you just take a flyer?

Draco: NO! -sets the flier on fire-

Ginny: ...really? Like, did that just even HAPPEN?

Hermione: I KNOW, RIGHT!?

Jacob: -handing out flyers, obviously unexcited- Bake sale. Freakin' Hufflepuff Bake Sale. Girliest thing imaginable. I could not be more excited. Have a flier. Really.

Alice: You don't like being in Hufflepuff?

Jacob: We have knitting circles and bake sales. We discuss our feelings over tea. We FIND things.

Alice: Why don't you go see the Hat again?

Jacob: I think I will! Hey Edward!

Edward: Yes?

Jacob: Take all your damn flyers! I'm off to see the Sorting Hat!

A/N: WE ARE BACK WITH A VENGEANCE, MY FRIENDS! Thanks for sticking with us! 3 AwesomeKid and MidnightWriter


	48. Chapter 48

Jacob: -puts on the Hat-

Hat: OH MY GOD, SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT THE START-OF-TERM, I AM ON A BREAK.

Jacob: I'm very sorry to disturb you, Mr. Hat, sir, but I have a question.

Hat: Oh yes, ask away, I'm just so freakin' excited to hear what YOU have to say.

Jacob: Well, you put me in Hufflepuff, and--

Hat: Oh yes, wildly observant, you are.

Jacob: ANYWAY, I was wondering why.

Hat: You're loyal. You care deeply for those you love, you'd do anything for them. You look good in yellow. You feel a strong sense of duty that is steadfast and unwavering. All the excellent qualities of a Hufflepuff.

Jacob: But, but...THEY HAVE KNITTING CIRCLES!?

Hat: Helga Hufflepuff loved to knit. Why don't you try to befriend them, I'm sure they'll have you. You may have more in common than you thought.

A/N: So yes. We are back with TWO new chapters. And AwesomeKid is, probably as we speak (type?), working on Chapter 49. And the 50th Chapter Spectacular is well underway as well. Sorry for such a hiatus, but we are BACK! (Mostly cuz it's spring break, and well, AwesomeKid is sick so she has a lot of time at home where she can't do much. So she writes. Speaking of which, I will shamelessly plug her three new stories: A Really Good Team, It's Unprecedented, and That's Why are all REALLY REALLY GOOD and you should go read them if you haven't already. So yeah. Read 'em. It makes her happy. Which makes me happy. :D) We love you all and we're so glad you have stuck with us these very long dry months. Virtual cookies to all of you, and big thanks to all our reviewers!

**, Master KaiKen, Roadkill2105, XxTwIhArD-PoTtErxX, Ronald, TwiHardGleek KurtHudsonLover01, WhitePhoenixFlame, xoLoveKillsSlowlyox, uni1246777 **(we're not comedians yet :D)**, TuRtLe88, EmeraldEyes1994, Nikki G.M., o0clomalfoy0o, Marie Elaine Cullen, PrettiaLydia, Just Keep Reading xxx, ailen143, scret-agent-ballerina-ninja **(P.S. your username is AWESOME!)**, EvaLovex33, tattygal95, PhoenixDreamer55, KingZant99, ShedonCooperPhD, Ophelia0123, denimgirl09, stupidlambb, Jade Sun, Zexy-Demy-Roxy-Axie, Mrs. Emmett McCarty Matthews, CRsalvygirl13, ur no 1 fan!!!!, Aquamarine Jazz, NutMegg, Riley61, CrazyCreamyCandy, LucyxTodd, Nomma, Jasper/Draco fangirl, , x0SinWhitlock0x, V-Alice-C, BellaHermione, Synystersdream1, CommeParMagie, lizabm, Raze 3, luvin it!!!, , Erin, Cdianaluvshp, **and **lolinggg**. WE LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH we decided to name you all individually! :D Thanks for reading, now review again please!! 3MidnightWriter


	49. Chapter 49

Jacob: Hi Hufflepuffs.

Hufflepuffs: -look up from their knitting circle-

Jacob: I, uh, I brought cookies? And my own knitting needles...so...

Justin Finch-Fletchley: Have a seat! Have you ever knitted before?

Jacob: No. I don't wanna ruin my manly image.

Ernie: It's pretty easy, and super fun! Hold the needles like this...good, and now loop over, no, no the other way...yes, there you go.

Susan: By George, I think he's got it!

Jacob: Okay, no one can ever tell anyone I like knitting. The whole manly image thing.

Edward: Oh, we'll never tell!

-Meanwhile, somewhere not at all near the Hufflepuff knitting circle...-

Harry: -is rocking out to the Jonas Brothers-

Draco: -is also rocking out to the Jonas Brothers-

Everyone else in the vicinity: -has earplugs-

Seamus: KILL ME NOW, PLEASE, IT'S TOO HORRIBLE!

Dean: IT'LL BE OKAY, WE JUST HAVE TO GET UP TO THE DORMS AND WE CAN LOCK THE DOOR!!

Hermione: Well, it's better than insane unfounded revenge plots against Edward.

Ginny: I know, right?!

Harry: Hey, wanna listen to some Justin Bieber?

Hermione: Well, shit.

A/N: THE FIFTIETH CHAPTER SPECTACULAR IS NEXT!! STAY TUNED!!!


	50. THE 50TH CHAPTER SPECTACULAR!

Harry: -flailing- ZOMG YOU GUYS IT'S THE FIFTIETH CHAPTER SPECTACULAR!!!

Ron: ZOMG NO WAI! HERMZ, IT'S THE 50TH CHAPTER SPECTACULAR!

Ginny: ...Hermz?

Hermione: -sigh-

Fred and George: -running in circles- IT'S THE 50TH CHAPTER SPECTACULAR AND WE'RE SO EXCITED!

Edward: FIFTIETH CHAPTER! HALLELUJAH!

Cho: !

Hermione: Okay, you guys, you can't just--

Draco: HOLY CHIZ FIFTY CHAPTERS!

Bella: -on her motorcycle- FIFTY CHAPTERS, BITCHES!

Parvati and Padma: SQUEEEE!

Lavender: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Pansy: GET OUT OF TOWN!

Daphne: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!? FIFTY!?

Hermione: Please tell me this isn't really happening. You're going to run out of time--

Hannah: 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50 50

Romilda: -dons a party hat- I'M SO HAPPY I COULD SING!

Jacob: FIFTY CHAPTERS! IT'S A MIRACLE!

Hagrid: BUTTERBEERS ALL AROUND! ONE PER CHAPTER!

Alice: -dancing- I KNEW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN!

Luna: DANCE WITH ME, SWIFTWAFFLE FAIRIES! DANCE!

Lupin: AWOOOOOOOFIFTYOOOOOOO

Ginny: Do you happen to have a martini, Hagrid?

Hermione: No, NO! This isn't any good! This is just shitty writing!

Neville: -on a mechanical bull- YEEHAW, BITCHES!

Jasper: -in a pained way- AHHHHHH FIFTY!

Emmett: KEGGER IN THE GRYFFINDOR COMMON ROOM! WOO!

Renesmee: YAY! FIFTY!

Fleur and Rosalie: -are totally smashed- WITCHES GONE WILD FOR THE FIFTIETH CHAPTER! WOOOOO!

Hermione: THIS IS JUST A CHEAP COP OUT SO THE WRITERS DON'T HAVE TO DO ANY WORK! DOESN'T ANYONE GET IT?!

Bill: -sees Fleur- ....I LOVE THIS FIFTIETH CHAPTER!

Snape: Oh wow. I'm so excited. -capeswish snark-

The Jonas Brothers: THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY ALBUM WE'VE DONE!

McGonagall: This is completely undignified and...Oh, my, well, I haven't done a keg since my school days, and I could use a nice drink...

Sirius: WOO! I BEAT EMMETT AT BUTTERBEER PONG! THIS FIFTIETH CHAPTER IS... -passes out-

Seamus: FIFTY CHAPTERS, THAT'S INSANE! CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THE WORK PUT INTO THAT!?

Dumbledore: YO YO YO, THIS IS DUMBLEZ RAPPIN AT YA FO' FIFTY CHAPTERS, WHAT?

AntiRap Rangers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hermione: BUT THIS IS JUST A SHAM! IT'S HORRIBLE WRITING! YOU'RE GOING TO RUN OUT OF TIME!

Moaning Myrtle: Oh man, if I were still alive, I'd be partying like it was 1999 baby. WOO!

Bellatrix: FIFTIETH CHAPTER MUGGLE KILLING SPREE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!

The Sorting Hat: -riding on Seamus' head- I HAVEN'T PARTIED LIKE THIS SINCE THE GRAND SLYTHERIN BASH OF '89

Zacharias Smith: YEAHHHH! FIFTY CHAPTERS RULES! I JUST SAW ROSALIE COVERED IN BUTTERBEER!

Dean: -covered in paint- I'm painting on people if anyone wants to be extra festive!!!!!

Terry: CAN YOU PAINT THE WORDS "I LOVE THE FIFTIETH CHAPTER" ON MY ASS!?

Blaise: -is hitting on everyone in sight and holding a bottle of Jagermeister in one hand- FIFTY CHAPTERS! IT'S LIKE A MIRACLE!

Hermione: NO! NO! IT'S A COP OUT! THE WRITERS ARE JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO ACTUALLY THINK TODAY!

Millicent: ZOMG ZOMG FIFTY IS MY NEW FAVORITE NUMBER!

Ernie: WAHHHHHHHHH FIFTIETH CHAPTER STRIP KNITTING CIRCLE!

Susan: I'll get my sparkly knitting needles!

Hermione: IS NO ONE BORED OF THIS SHIT BY NOW!?!??!

Ginny: -on her eighth martini- WOOO! YEAH! GO MCGONAGALL, YOU GET HAGRID!

Harry: THIS IS THE BEST PARTY EVER!!!!! -hi fives Draco-

Hermione: -with a bull horn- EVERYBODY QUIET! THIS IS A COP OUT BY THE WRITERS! THIS IS SHITTY WRITING! THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO DO ANY ACTUAL WORK! YOU'RE GOING TO RUN OUT OF TIME TO


End file.
